In Which Eeyore Has a Complaint.



The Old Grey Donkey, Eeyore, stood by himself in a thistly corner of the forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, ‘Why?’ and sometimes he thought, ‘Inasmuch as which?’ – and sometimes he didn’t quite know what he was thinking about. So when Winnie-the-Pooh came stumping along, Eeyore was very glad to be able to stop thinking for a little, in order to say ‘How do you do?’ in a gloomy manner to him.

‘And how are you?’ said Winnie-the-Pooh.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side.

‘Not very how,’ he said. ‘I don’t seem to have felt at all how for a long time.’

‘Dear, dear,’ said Pooh. ‘I’m sorry about that. Why?’

‘Because, said Eeyore, ‘Somebody keeps rewriting me. I didn’t think it was allowed.’

‘Bother,’ said Pooh. ‘But it’s all because of something called outofcopyright. Christopher Robin told me. It’s happening to everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood.’

‘And what is this outofcopyright?’

‘It means people can steal our words and add other words like ok and there-for-you and long words that even Owl doesn’t know, like imperceptibly.’

‘Impercepti-what?’ said Eeyore.

‘I know,’ said Pooh. ‘It’s Terrible and Sad. For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain and long words Bother me.’

‘Why don’t they make up their own words?’ said Eeyore.

‘Christopher Robin says they are in a Very Sad Condition because nobody has taken any notice of their words. So they steal ours and spoil them.’

‘That accounts for a Good Deal’ said Eeyore. ‘Not that it matters. But How Like Them.’

(With profound and heartfelt apologies to A A Milne and Ernest Shepherd.) 

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